In a town where some gauge diversity
by the varying shades of a person's tan, rarely can an honest journalist
convince L.A.'s finest to talk candidly about their sex lives without
some degree of vanity-ridden politics emerging to taint it.
Wielding a sensitive, cajoling tone
as my truth serum, I set out to ask a world map's worth of L.A.'s
distinguished career types: From your experience, what is the
main difference between having sex with an American vs. someone
In my quest to measure if and how the
"foreign exchange" of come-ons, turn-ons, and blow offs
affect our great smorgasbord of romance, I was regaled with impressions
as wildly diverse as the nationalities of the frolickers themselves.
"Europeans are much more
romantic & loverly. They put more effort into the whole spiel, which
isn't necessarily better. American guys pretty much get down to
it. They're more straight forward, they don't try to trick you."
Cara Michelle, Playboy Playmate
"I think people internationally are better
lovers and more passionate. I don't think they're quite as self-involved
or uptight, especially from Europe & the Latin countries."
Darren Star, television producer
"It's always interesting when you're with
someone of foreign descent and their grunts and groans are in a
foreign accent. I've come to learn that the Latin version of 'oh'
is apparently 'aiiee!'" Howard Mauskopf, event producer
fell madly in love with a Saudi Arabian prince once. He loved sex
when I was having my period. The minute he actually saw blood, he
came." Samantha Surabian, concierge
men are really good at sex because they've been trained from an
early age -- with the feminist movement, sexual revolution and the
Big 'O.' European men worry less about getting laid and American
men are always trying to get laid. Relax about the numbers guys!"
Candace Bushnell, author, "Sex and the City"
faster with Americans". Henry Jaglom, film director
a Greek guy once. He said his name was Awesome Ahwhynot. Once we
started to have sex, he was so unmanageably large so I had to send
him on his merry way. It was like trying to jam a fist through a
nostril." Yvonne, producer
is this one Swedish dildo with a heart-shaped chrome handle and
a 7-inch picture of naked women on the end. That's pretty cool."
Robin Perine, tatoo photographer "The
main difference between sex with Americans vs. Europeans is that
in Europe, they say 'no' eight hours later." Rob Fox, screenwriter/playwright
went to the movies once. This woman in front of me- accompanied
by an extremely good looking French man - bought me a ticket. They
asked me to sit with them. I sat next to the Frenchman. About twenty
minutes in, I felt a hand on my leg creeping upward. Embarrassed
and scared the lady would notice, I froze. It crept higher and higher,
beneath my shorts and then my pan...you get the picture. I didn't
let it go on too long. That would never happen with a drop dead
gorgeous American man in a movie theater." Shannah Laumeister,
kiss and do not tell -- that is my credo." Barbet Schroeder,
met a girl from Mexico who knew maybe 15 words of English. Luckily,
two of those happened to be 'Yes' and 'Diaphragm.' Once after I
popped, I fell asleep on top of Carmen. Six hours later, I awakened
-- still on top of her. She didn't want to wake me, I was sleeping
so soundly." Ray Richmond, journalist/screenwriter
in LA is the movies. The birth of faking orgasms happened here.
There's always a reason behind everything in this town. I met this
girl and she wouldn't give me the time of day until she found out
what I did. Then I went from ashy to classy in 10 seconds."
Omar, model agent "Hungarians,
English and French I've found are more passionate than Americans,
who want to celebrate the passion of the moment with a cigarette
and cell-phone afterwards." Estevan Ramos, fashion designer
dated a Mexican man once and was taken aback by the unsightly look
of his uncircumcised penis because it was the first one I ever saw.
He actually said, 'Have you ever seen an uncircumcised one before?
I'll show you how it works." CD Northfleet, musician
men like many foreign men I've come into contact with, exhibit a
no shame attitude when expressing their desire to "taste"
American women. I'm not quite sure of our universal appeal but have
begun to understand,in the case of most, it has something to do
with being blonde. Yet, I suspect it has more to do with the worldwide
rumor that "we" are easy." Aimee Moss, Scheduling
& Promotions, Fox Family
experience is that with European types, there's a lot more openness
in terms of having multiple partners. In the US, people have affairs,
but it has to be kept very quiet Americans are very Puritanical."
Cindy Rakowitz, Rak n' Roll PR "Everybody
talks about going on dates here - 1st dates, 2nd dates - it's all
crap. In America, women have control until they have sex. In Europe,
it happens when it happens. The romance never dies." Seamus
Brodie, producer "It's
very hard to find a good girl in Los Angeles -- there are a lot
of dogs. Girls get fucked up out here because they lose trust in
guys and they become imbalanced. " Moize Chabbouh, hairdresser
a Swede, I was truly appalled by Americans' preference for anal
intercourse - until I moved back, and I learned Swedes are even
MORE into it!" Sara Nilsson, fashion buyer "When
you're with an American either they're single or they lie about
being married. If you're with a Frenchman they tell you right off
the bat that they are married...and it's not supposed to make a
difference." Laurie Frank, gallery owner
women are used to long romantic dinners and making love all night.
For American women it's a quick meal, quick movie, quick sex, and
then sleep." Jon Jacobs, actor/filmmaker "I
met a Nicaraguan salsa dancer at the 'W' with fake tits and tattoos,
but she was a wacko. When it came down to it, she fell directly
into the stereotype of 'crazy Latin woman' and I haven't been back
to the 'W' since." Greg Schneider, bartender "Almost
every man I've ever slept with feels the need to say, 'I never would've
imagined myself sleeping with an Asian woman.' What's with that?
" Annie Tien, project manager
my experience international lovers tend to be more multiply orgasmic.
And I can't get a Asian man to go to bed for the life of me. They're
scared of me! Get over it!"Brittany
Andrews, porn star
tend to have a much more rigid conception of sex and sexuality.
A Portuguese guy will tell you he's straight, but then kiss you
on the lips anyway, just for the hell of it." Jonathan Handel,
only difference I could see with dating different types of women
is that I usually did much better with women who like to be in the
same room with me." Richard Lewis - comedian/author
From my experience with American
women, sex starts out lustful and animalistic, but then tends
to morph into some twisted "timed-release" formula when
it occurs only as a remedy for jealousy, distance, wrongful accusations,
or exercise deprivation. Not free love or expression. Europeans
are more intensely soulful, passionate and overwhelmingly humane
when it comes to sexual intimacy and adventure. Either way, we're
all probably crazy to stay jam packed in this town sucking down
plumes of smog as we aerobicize ourselves into an eerily scant
existence, mysteriously buoyed by a glut of happy drugs. If you
have an anecdote that you'd like to share regarding your international
sexcapades, please e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
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