In a town where some gauge diversity by the varying shades of a person's tan, rarely can an honest journalist convince L.A.'s finest to talk candidly about their sex lives without some degree of vanity-ridden politics emerging to taint it.

Wielding a sensitive, cajoling tone as my truth serum, I set out to ask a world map's worth of L.A.'s distinguished career types: From your experience, what is the main difference between having sex with an American vs. someone born abroad?

In my quest to measure if and how the "foreign exchange" of come-ons, turn-ons, and blow offs affect our great smorgasbord of romance, I was regaled with impressions as wildly diverse as the nationalities of the frolickers themselves.

"Europeans are much more romantic & loverly. They put more effort into the whole spiel, which isn't necessarily better. American guys pretty much get down to it. They're more straight forward, they don't try to trick you." Cara Michelle, Playboy Playmate "I think people internationally are better lovers and more passionate. I don't think they're quite as self-involved or uptight, especially from Europe & the Latin countries." Darren Star, television producer

"It's always interesting when you're with someone of foreign descent and their grunts and groans are in a foreign accent. I've come to learn that the Latin version of 'oh' is apparently 'aiiee!'" Howard Mauskopf, event producer "I fell madly in love with a Saudi Arabian prince once. He loved sex when I was having my period. The minute he actually saw blood, he came." Samantha Surabian, concierge "American men are really good at sex because they've been trained from an early age -- with the feminist movement, sexual revolution and the Big 'O.' European men worry less about getting laid and American men are always trying to get laid. Relax about the numbers guys!" Candace Bushnell, author, "Sex and the City"

"It's faster with Americans". Henry Jaglom, film director "I met a Greek guy once. He said his name was Awesome Ahwhynot. Once we started to have sex, he was so unmanageably large so I had to send him on his merry way. It was like trying to jam a fist through a nostril." Yvonne, producer

"There is this one Swedish dildo with a heart-shaped chrome handle and a 7-inch picture of naked women on the end. That's pretty cool." Robin Perine, tatoo photographer "The main difference between sex with Americans vs. Europeans is that in Europe, they say 'no' eight hours later." Rob Fox, screenwriter/playwright

"I went to the movies once. This woman in front of me- accompanied by an extremely good looking French man - bought me a ticket. They asked me to sit with them. I sat next to the Frenchman. About twenty minutes in, I felt a hand on my leg creeping upward. Embarrassed and scared the lady would notice, I froze. It crept higher and higher, beneath my shorts and then my pan...you get the picture. I didn't let it go on too long. That would never happen with a drop dead gorgeous American man in a movie theater." Shannah Laumeister, actress "I kiss and do not tell -- that is my credo." Barbet Schroeder, filmmaker "I met a girl from Mexico who knew maybe 15 words of English. Luckily, two of those happened to be 'Yes' and 'Diaphragm.' Once after I popped, I fell asleep on top of Carmen. Six hours later, I awakened -- still on top of her. She didn't want to wake me, I was sleeping so soundly." Ray Richmond, journalist/screenwriter

"Sex in LA is the movies. The birth of faking orgasms happened here. There's always a reason behind everything in this town. I met this girl and she wouldn't give me the time of day until she found out what I did. Then I went from ashy to classy in 10 seconds." Omar, model agent "Hungarians, English and French I've found are more passionate than Americans, who want to celebrate the passion of the moment with a cigarette and cell-phone afterwards." Estevan Ramos, fashion designer

"I dated a Mexican man once and was taken aback by the unsightly look of his uncircumcised penis because it was the first one I ever saw. He actually said, 'Have you ever seen an uncircumcised one before? I'll show you how it works." CD Northfleet, musician

"Israeli men like many foreign men I've come into contact with, exhibit a no shame attitude when expressing their desire to "taste" American women. I'm not quite sure of our universal appeal but have begun to understand,in the case of most, it has something to do with being blonde. Yet, I suspect it has more to do with the worldwide rumor that "we" are easy." Aimee Moss, Scheduling & Promotions, Fox Family

"My experience is that with European types, there's a lot more openness in terms of having multiple partners. In the US, people have affairs, but it has to be kept very quiet Americans are very Puritanical." Cindy Rakowitz, Rak n' Roll PR "Everybody talks about going on dates here - 1st dates, 2nd dates - it's all crap. In America, women have control until they have sex. In Europe, it happens when it happens. The romance never dies." Seamus Brodie, producer "It's very hard to find a good girl in Los Angeles -- there are a lot of dogs. Girls get fucked up out here because they lose trust in guys and they become imbalanced. " Moize Chabbouh, hairdresser

"As a Swede, I was truly appalled by Americans' preference for anal intercourse - until I moved back, and I learned Swedes are even MORE into it!" Sara Nilsson, fashion buyer "When you're with an American either they're single or they lie about being married. If you're with a Frenchman they tell you right off the bat that they are married...and it's not supposed to make a difference." Laurie Frank, gallery owner

"European women are used to long romantic dinners and making love all night. For American women it's a quick meal, quick movie, quick sex, and then sleep." Jon Jacobs, actor/filmmaker "I met a Nicaraguan salsa dancer at the 'W' with fake tits and tattoos, but she was a wacko. When it came down to it, she fell directly into the stereotype of 'crazy Latin woman' and I haven't been back to the 'W' since." Greg Schneider, bartender "Almost every man I've ever slept with feels the need to say, 'I never would've imagined myself sleeping with an Asian woman.' What's with that? " Annie Tien, project manager

"From my experience international lovers tend to be more multiply orgasmic. And I can't get a Asian man to go to bed for the life of me. They're scared of me! Get over it!"Brittany Andrews, porn star

"Americans tend to have a much more rigid conception of sex and sexuality. A Portuguese guy will tell you he's straight, but then kiss you on the lips anyway, just for the hell of it." Jonathan Handel, entertainment attorney

"The only difference I could see with dating different types of women is that I usually did much better with women who like to be in the same room with me." Richard Lewis - comedian/author

From my experience with American women, sex starts out lustful and animalistic, but then tends to morph into some twisted "timed-release" formula when it occurs only as a remedy for jealousy, distance, wrongful accusations, or exercise deprivation. Not free love or expression. Europeans are more intensely soulful, passionate and overwhelmingly humane when it comes to sexual intimacy and adventure. Either way, we're all probably crazy to stay jam packed in this town sucking down plumes of smog as we aerobicize ourselves into an eerily scant existence, mysteriously buoyed by a glut of happy drugs. If you have an anecdote that you'd like to share regarding your international sexcapades, please e-mail to editorial@thebookla.com

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